I'm Sorry
by Mizuki Harana
Summary: ONE-SHOT. Feliciano doesn't want Ludwig to hate him, even though his country surrendered to the Allies. What does Italy do to cope? Warnings: Angst. MAJOR ANGST. Blood. Mild Yaoi. Lovino's mouth.


Feliciano slammed the door and dropped to the floor of his dark room. How long had it been? Three days? Three weeks? How could he know? It didn't matter anyway. Ludwig hates him. He knows it's true. Fear of the truth had even kept him from asking.

He didn't need to ask. He KNEW it was true. Nothing was going to change it. His country had just turned on Germany and the Axis. He surrendered to the Allies. He promised Ludwig that he wouldn't. The memory flooded his mind and spreaded like wildfire.

* * *

><p>"Italy," Germany started. "I know you don't want to fight, but you have to. That's what it means to be a country." Germany sighed. "You have to put aside your own thoughts and opinions to do what is best for the country..."<p>

Italy couldn't believe what he had just heard. "B-But, Germany... A-All I ever anted is peace... Can't we just do that...?"

"Dummkopf!" Germany shouted. "This is WAR! Not a dream. Peace is only an unreachable dream! This is reality..." Italy looked away. He didn't like it when Germany yelled at him. He hated it with a burning passion. Germany noticed Italy's disapproval of his tone. He calmed down before continuing. "Promise me, Italy... Promise that you will be by my side, even after this is over..."

Italy waited. "N-No matter what...?" Germany nodded. Italy extended his arm, asking for a pinky swear. Germany sighed before responding with a similar action.

Pact of Steel: SIGNED.

* * *

><p>Feliciano broke the promise. His tears poured out harder, his cries becoming louder. "Ludwig...!" He didn't like being like this. He hated being upset. It was too much for him to handle. He can't take pressure. He can't go against the demon of being depressed. "... I'm sorry..."<p>

Feliciano dug around his pocket, searching for his refuge. Once he found what he was looking for, he removed it from his pocket.

The Iron Cross. The charm was a gift from Ludwig. Each of them had one.

* * *

><p>Germany pulled a necklace out of his pocket. "Here," - He handed the cross to Italy - "It's a present. Think of it as a symbol of our... Friendship." Italy held the shiny metal in his hand, examining it with awe.<p>

"T-Thank you, Germany~!" Italy put the necklace around his neck and hugged Germany.

* * *

><p>He shivered at the memory. He threw the cross at the wall. "He hates me now anyway... What does it matter...?" Feliciano had one thought going through his head the whole time.<p>

'_Is it worth it?_'

"No." He didn't want to do this. "I can't handle pain..." He searched for another item in the opposite pocket of before. He hesitated as he felt the cold metal and wood in his pocket. A shock of fear rippled through his body. "... I'm going to do this..." He closed his hand around it before removing it from the pocket as well.

A pocket knife. He secretly went into Lovino's room and stole it when he wasn't looking. Lovino kept it in case he ever needed it, but Feliciano needed it now. "I'm sorry..." He flipped the blade out. His eyes wandered over the shiny metal. It looked as though it were brand new. He knew Lovino hardly had anything to use it for. Therefore, the blade was sharp.

He held the blade against his wrist. "Take my pain away..." He whispered. "I'm sorry I betrayed you..." He slid the knife across his arm in a deep slice. Blood began to trickle down his arm. "You think I'm a pussy." He repeated the movement a bit further down than the last cut. "You think I'm useless..." He cut his wrist twice more. "You..." He slid the knife once. "... Hate..." He hacked at his arm twice. "... Me..."

With that thought complete, he slashed his wrist repeatedly. "I... Love you..." He placed the knife in his hand, which had always been cut in the process, and switched to mark his other wrist. "L..." He began to carve the letter into his hand. "u... d... w..." He carved each letter deeper and deeper. "i... g..." He completed his writing, following it up with a broken heart. "Please, forgive me Ludwig..."

He repeated the name in his mind. Ludwig. Ludwig. Ludwig. The most handsome name he had ever heard. He pictured those beautiful blue eyes staring down into his soul. He could feel the warmth of Ludwig as they slept together. He remembered the feeling of Ludwig's lips against his. Little did he know that with every thought of Ludwig, he was inadvertently running the knife across the arm containing his lover's name. He blankly stared at what he had just done. He didn't utter a word.

He rose to his feet, eyes shooting around the room. He ran his fingers through the blood spilling from the name on his wrist. He placed the bloody fingers against the wall. He ran them over the smooth surface in a curved shape. He received more blood to his fingers before completing the shape.

A bloody heart, crudely drawn against the wall. The wall that used to be pure white as snow was now covered in his own blood. He rested his hand against the heart before slamming a fist against the wall. "Dammit! Why can't I go anything right?" He slammed his fist against the wall again, staining the wall with blood splatters. He viewed the wall, taking in the sight of his own blood smeared and splattered in a horrific style. He turned his gaze to the knife. Its once shiny-and-clean metal was now covered in his red, red blood. On the floor beside the table, he could see the glistening iron cross. He dropped to his knees and grasped the metal piece.

Feliciano played with it in his hand, slightly tossing it between his hands. It slowly became covered in bloody finger prints and silent tears. He threw it against the wall, straight into the center of the blood heart.

* * *

><p>Ludwig spoke into his phone with a very pissed Italian. "You see what you do to my brother? He only leaves his room to ask me what is happening with the country!" Lovino screamed. Ludwig couldn't think of the words to say.<p>

"M-May I speak to him...?" Ludwig asked, hoping Lovino would take the phone to Feliciano.

"Hell no! All you will do is make things worse for him!"

"Please, Lovino... If you care for your brother, you will let me fix this..." Ludwig answered calmly.

"Bastard! If you are really serious about talking to Feli, then come over here and speak to him yourself, asshole!" Lovino hung up. Ludwig sighed at the beeping noise that he had received from the opposite line. Lovino had called him to speak – or, well, yell – to Ludwig about Feliciano's depressed behavior. Ludwig thought of an idea.

"It's time for me to pay Feli a visit..." He whispered, grabbing a set of keys and heading for the door.

* * *

><p>Lovino cursed to himself as he shut the phone. At that moment, a blood-curdling scream rose from Feliciano's room. "Feli?" He ran out of his room and slammed Feliciano's door open. "Feli, what hap...?" He gasped at the sight in the room. Feliciano was in the corner sobbing. The wall had what looked light a heart drawn in some kind of red paint. He noticed the iron cross laying on the floor as well. "Feli... What happened?" He raced over to his brother and pulled him into a comforting hug. "Why are y-" Lovino glared at Feliciano's arms.<p>

Blood. Covered in nothing but blood. In all of the scars covering the flesh, he could make out the name 'Ludwig' with a breaking heart. Lovino could feel his eyes tear up at this. He had just noticed that Feliciano was holding his pocket knife, now covered in the very same blood that was on Feliciano's arms. "Feliciano..." Lovino began to cry. He grabbed his brother by the shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. "Why did you do this?"

Feliciano only stared at him with a blank expression. "Ludwig hates me..." At that moment, the doorbell rang. Lovino knew who it was. He bolted out of the room and threw the front door open. Ludwig remained in front of him, shocked by the sudden sound of the door.

"You...!" Lovino screamed. He threw a fist, landing a punch on Ludwig's arm. "You did this! You cruel bastard! You horrible piece of shit!" He slapped Ludwig repeatedly. Ludwig recoiled.

"Why are you punching me?" Ludwig shouted. Lovino only responded by pulling him into the house and slamming the door shut once more.

"Feliciano! You hurt him!"

"What? I did no such thing!" Ludwig was yanked once more and thrown into Feliciano's room. Feliciano hid his arms once he had seen Ludwig tumble into his room. Ludwig trembled at the macabre image before him. The bloody heart, the bloody cross, the trembling boy... Ludwig tried to take it all in. Lovino paced over to Feliciano and revealed his arms. Ludwig's eyes became terrified at what his eyes had been met with. His name. A broken heart. Enough gashes to kill a million army men.

"Like hell you didn't do anything, potato bastard!" Lovino screeched. Ludwig felt the tears well up in his eyes.

"... Lovino... May I have a moment with Feliciano...?" Ludwig asked calmly. Lovino glared at him before giving Feliciano a look to ask for his approval. Feliciano nodded slightly. "And will you bring some cloths and bandages, Lovino...?" Ludwig continued. Lovino quickly exited the room.

Feliciano didn't look at Ludwig. He COULDN'T. Ludwig remained silent for a few more seconds before finally spitting his words out. "Why did you... do this... Feli?" He tried to remain calm, but could sense the terror in his own face.

Feliciano didn't even have to think before responding. "You hate me... I betrayed you... But I love you so much..." Feliciano's voice cracked with his tears. "I would rather be dead than have you hate me..." Ludwig felt his heart stop. Feliciano wanted to be dead because of him.

"I don't hate you, Feli..." At that moment, Lovino burst in the room and handed Ludwig the materials he had previously asked for. Ludwig nodded at Lovino before he left the room once more. Ludwig ran one of the wet clothes over Feliciano's arm. Feliciano felt a sting. Ludwig dried the arm he had just ran over and began to wrap it in the crisp white bandage roll Lovino had given him.

"How can you not hate me...?" Feliciano whispered in a depressed tone. Ludwig completed the left arm and grabbed his right. He read the name once more and shivered at the pain Feliciano must have been feeling. He cleaned it off and began to wrap it.

"I don't hate you because it wasn't your fault..." Ludwig answered. "The government caused it... You specifically didn't betray me..." Ludwig finished wrapping Feliciano's arm. "And also..." Ludwig continued. He lifted Feliciano's chin so that he was facing forward. "Because... I..." Ludwig began to lean in. "I... Ich liebe dich..." Ludwig pressed his lips to Feliciano's. They were both instantly in a trance. Once they broke, Ludwig continued. "If you committed suicide..." Ludwig grabbed the knife off of the table. "I would do the same..." He drove the knife into his own wrist.

Feliciano grabbed the knife from him. "P-Please... Don't do that... Don't say that... Ludi..." Feliciano hugged Ludwig. Ludwig wrapped an arm around him.

"... Promise me you will never do this again..." Ludwig whispered. Feliciano thought for a second and nodded before placing a kiss on Ludwig's cheek.


End file.
